Depressed Parents and the Effects on Their Children

Depressed Parents and the Effects on Their Children
The Cycle of Depression

There is a great deal of research documenting that children of depressed parents are at high risk for depression themselves, as well as for substance abuse and antisocial activities. Many studies have found that depressed mothers have difficulty bonding with their infants; they are less sensitive to the baby's needs and less consistent in their responses to the baby's behavior. The babies appear more unhappy and isolated than other children. They may be difficult to comfort, appear listless, and be difficult to feed and put to sleep.

When they reach the toddler stage, such children are often very hard to handle, defiant, negative, and refusing to accept parental authority. This, of course, reinforces the parents' sense of failure. Father and mother's parenting is likely to remain inconsistent, because nothing they do has any visible effect.

A very simple treatment plan could be if you suspect you are depressed or a loved one is struggling to cope: get mom some immediate relief (daycare, relatives, camp, baby-sitters), then treat her depression - go to a doctor there are options available ranging from anti-depressants to psychotherapy, try to do some reading around how to diffuse power struggles with your toddler or child, and start slowly to rebuild an affectionate bond with your baby.

The only problem that I can see within the Asian community is the reluctance to acknowledge depression. There is a tendency to blame the person in the situation; or that it simply doesn't exist. Post -natal depression is a very real condition and if left untreated can linger. Asian Women are also less likely to accept help, especially those not living in larger extended families. They rarely have babysitters and nannies who can all help in relieving the immense pressure of parenting. A stay-at-home mum may feel she has no recourse as she is the sole carer of the child while her husband earns the keep. But parenting is more than a full time job and you must take all actions necessary to safeguard your mental health.

If you had a 'physical' health problem - you would not hesitate - but depression left untreated can have lasting effects on both yourself and your child.

When the depressed parent isn't able to get help like this, the outlook isn't good for the child. He or she grows up with dangerous and destructive ideas about the self–that he's unlovable, uncontrollable, and a general nuisance. He doesn't know how to get attention from adults in positive ways, so gets labeled a troublemaker. He doesn't know how to soothe himself, so is at risk for substance abuse. He doesn't know he's a worthwhile human being, so is at risk for depression. He hasn't learned how to control his own behavior, so he can't fit into school or work.

Solutions for Depression

No one knows for sure why the incidence of adult depression keeps increasing. Many people don't realize they have it. Some people have trouble sleeping and have other physical symptoms, feel anxious and overwhelmed, have lost ambition and hope, feel alone and alienated, are tormented by guilt or obsessional thoughts, may even have thoughts of suicide-but they don't say they're depressed. They just feel that life stinks and there's nothing they can do about it. If their children are out of control, they think that they don't have what it takes to be parents.

The tragic irony is that adult depression is rather easily treated - certainly at much less social cost than schools' attempts to teach children self-control. New antidepressant medications and focused psychotherapy can reliably and efficiently help 80 to 90 percent of depressed patients; and the earlier we can catch it, the better the chances of success.
If your children are in trouble, maybe you should be evaluated for depression. Take your spouse along.

You owe it to your child to do something about the way that you are feeling.

Riya Agnihotri

www.desimums.com

Opium Financed British Rule In India

Article and Interview Taken from the BBC Website.

A brilliant article and a must read for those wanting to know the realities of British Rule in India.

'India was the largest opium exporter for centuries'

Leading Indian writer Amitav Ghosh's critically acclaimed new novel Sea of Poppies is set during a time when opium trade out of India was flourishing during British rule. The novel spans three continents and close to two centuries and is the first in a planned historical trilogy set in the 19th century.

Ghosh, a trained anthropologist and historian with a doctorate from Oxford University, spoke to the BBC's Soutik Biswas on the colonial opium trade.

Sea of Poppies is a historical novel. Is it the fact that the British were the world's biggest opium suppliers two centuries ago that led you into this story?

I should correct you. It was not two centuries ago. Under the British Raj, an enormous amount of opium was being exported out of India until the 1920s. And no, the opium story was not really the trigger for the novel. What basically interested me when I started this book were the lives of the Indian indentured workers, especially those who left India from the Bihar region. Before the British came, India was one of the world's great economies. For 200 years India dwindled and dwindled into almost nothing

But once I started researching into it, it was kind of inescapable - all the roads led back to opium. The indentured emigration [out of India] really started in the 1830s and that was [around the time of] the peak of the opium traffic. That decade culminated in the opium wars against China.
Also all the indentured workers at that time came from all the opium growing regions in the Benares and Ghazipur areas. So there was such an overlap there was no escaping opium.

When and how did you end up researching and learning more about the British opium trade out of India?

I was looking into it as I began writing the book about five years ago. Like most Indians, I had very little idea about opium. I had no idea that India was the largest opium exporter for centuries. I had no idea that opium was essentially the commodity which financed the British Raj in India.

'Opium accounted for a large part of India's economy'

It is not a coincidence that 20 years after the opium trade stopped, the Raj more or less packed up its bags and left. India was not a paying proposition any longer.

What did you discover in the course of your research? How big was the trade?

Opium steadily accounted for about 17-20% of Indian revenues. If you think in those terms, [the fact that] one single commodity accounted for such an enormous part of your economy is unbelievable, extraordinary. In fact the revenues don't account for entire profits generated [out of opium trade] -there was shipping, there were so many ancillary industries around opium.
How and when did opium exports out of India to China begin?

The idea of exporting opium to China started with Warren Hastings (the first governor general of British India) in 1780. The situation was eerily similar to [what is happening] today. There was a huge balance of payments problem in relation to China. China was exporting enormous amounts, but wasn't interested in importing any European goods. That was when Hastings came up with idea that the only way of balancing trade was to export opium to China. In the 1780s he sent the first shipment of opium to China. It was a small shipment and they could hardly get rid of it. There wasn't much demand. [But], within 10 years, demand for opium increased by factors of magnitude. It was incredible - within a period of 10-30 years how much the opium trade spread and increased.

Afghanistan is now the biggest opium producer in the world. In the period that Hastings started exporting opium in the 1780s until about 1809-1810, most of the opium in India was grown in the Bengal presidency (in eastern India). After that the Malwa region in western India began growing opium. Finally twice as much opium was growing in western India and there was a huge export from that region. What do you think the major princely states lived off?

What kind of human devastation did opium growing wreak on the Indians?

I can't say I have an accurate picture. Whether it was devastation or not we don't know. There is so little we know [about this aspect]. Some reformers were trying to stop the opium trade and we know from their petitions and letters that there was fair amount of resistance. There seem to have been a lot of difficulties for peasants - they were switching to an agricultural monoculture, and that was causing problems.

With so much poppy being grown, didn't local people get addicted to it?

It happened. One of the curious things I was not aware of was that there are many different ways of consuming opium. One of the ways was to eat it in a bowl. This was somehow the commonest way of taking opium in India - either eating it or dissolving it in water.

East of India and eastwards through China there was a different way of consuming it which was by smoking it. That was very much more addictive. It was not traditionally the case that people smoked opium in India. Opium also was a part of social life - it was offered during certain ceremonies. So it was a very complex picture. If there was any direct damage to India, it lay in the disruption of the agricultural timetable. But the damage that was done to China was incalculable.

Both Indian and British history appear to have glossed over this part of colonial rule.

Absolutely. Opium was the fundamental under girding of our economy for centuries. It is strange that [even] for someone like me who studied history and knew a fair amount about Indian history, I was completely unaware of it.

Why do you think that happened?

I think the reason is some sort of whitewashing of the past. On the Indian side, there is a sort of shame, I suppose. Also, just a general unawareness. I mean how many people are aware that the Ghazipur opium factory [in India] continues to be one of the single largest opium producers in the world? It is without a doubt the largest legitimate opium factory in the world.

Don't you find it ironic that the tables have turned in a sense with Afghanistan becoming the world's biggest opium producer with most of it sold in the affluent West?

It is strange. But it's an irony in which no one can take any comfort. Opium is a destructive thing for anyone, anywhere. And it remains a potent driver of economies, at least in a place like Afghanistan.. And, before that in Burma.

Sea of Poppies appears to be a scathing critique of British colonialism. Do you think colonialism has had a pretty easy ride in India and there is not enough examination of the extent of how it affected the country adversely?

It's such an ironic thing. Before the British came, India was one of the world's great economies. For 200 years India dwindled and dwindled into almost nothing. Fifty years after they left we have finally begun to reclaim our place in the world.

All the empirical facts show you that British rule was a disaster for India. Before the British came 25% of the world trade originated in India. By the time they left it was less than 1%. Lot of Indians believe that the British built institutions, the police, bureaucracy. I don't know what people think about when they say such things. When they talk about [the British building] modern institutions it amazes me.

Was there no police force in India before the British came? Of course there was. There were darogas (policemen), there were chowkis (police stations). In fact the British took the word chowki and put it into English. So to say such things is absurd.

A very revealing interview with a renowned writer. This will be Amitabh Ghosh's Seventh Book. He is a talented but pithy writer - many of his novels are long and require a great deal of patience. But this book is a must - if anything to educate ourselves about the myths perpetuated by the British with regards to their time in India.They were a vindictive Imperial Force. The British were not the saviours of India and as Ghosh points out: India is a growing force and will very soon be economically a bigger giant than the country that sought to rule it.

Riya Agnihotri

Trouble in Bed

Trouble in your marriage can cause trouble in bed, but not necessarily the kind of trouble that first comes to mind.

New research has found that women in happy marriages tend to sleep more soundly than women in unhappy marriages. In fact, women with good marriages have about 10 percent greater odds of getting a decent night of shut-eye compared to women who aren't happy with their spouse.

I don't think really think this research is rocket science. Women, due to familial pressures are less likely to get any sleep - let alone good quality sleep. This is especially relevant to mothers with small children. Often the men leave children to their mothers during the night - because they have to work. Domestic management is not akin to a hard days graft at the office is it men?

The other thing is snoring - a real nightmare and barrier to sleep.

Anyway this article emphasises how sleep can be seriously impaired further if their is additional stress and pressure in the relationship.

"Marriage can be good for your sleep if it's a happy one. But, being in an unhappy marriage can be a risk factor for sleep disturbance," said the study's lead author, Wendy M. Troxel, a psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh.



The million-dollar question, Troxel said, is which comes first - does the unhappy marriage lead to poor sleep, or does poor sleep contribute to a bad marriage?



"We have future studies planned, and we need to tease that out," she said. "If you're not sleeping, you're more irritable, have lower frustration and tolerance levels, so it's possible that could affect the marriage. But we suspect it's in the other direction," that the bad marriage is affecting the quality of sleep because you're trying to sleep next to someone you may be fighting with, and that's stressful.



"If you're stressed or anxious, it can have an effect on your sleep," agreed Dr. Ana Krieger, director of the New York University Sleep Disorders Center in New York City.
Troxel and her colleagues reviewed data on about 2,000 married women who participated in the Study of Women's Health Across the Nation (SWAN). The women were an average age of 46 years. Just over half were white, 20 percent were black, 9 percent were Hispanic, 9 percent were Chinese, and 11 percent were Japanese. No South Asian groups by the look of it - I think Asian Women don't fight with our spouses - do we?



All of the women reported their sleep quality, the state of their marriage, how often they had difficulty falling asleep, if they stayed asleep, and how early they woke up.



Happily married women had less trouble getting to sleep, had fewer sleep complaints, had more restful sleep and were less likely to wake up early or awaken in the middle of the night than women whose marriages were less than ideal.




Even after the researchers adjusted the data to account for other factors known to disturb sleep, the researchers found that happily married women still slept more soundly. And, these findings appeared to hold up across racial lines. The only groups that the findings weren't statistically significant for were Chinese and Japanese women, but Troxel suspects this may be because there weren't as many Chinese or Japanese women in the study as white and black women.
Troxel was expected to present her findings June 9 at Associated Professional Sleep Societies annual meeting, in Baltimore.



"All marriages aren't created equal, and having a high quality marriage may be good for sleep, whereas an unhealthy marriage is a potent source of stress. You could be sleeping with the object of your hostility," Troxel said.



If you have a lot of stress from your marriage or another source, such as your job, Krieger said you need to try to fix the situation that is causing the anxiety. If you can't change the stressful situation, she recommended trying to change how you perceive the stress. Good ways to help you relax are meditation and yoga, she said.



Troxel said that if you're in an unhappy marriage, marriage therapy - or individual therapy if your spouse won't go to therapy - can be helpful.



She also recommended practicing good sleep habits, such as going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time every day.

...Or you could sleep in separate bedrooms if you really can't leave. And if you can leave? Then do it for your sanity and shut eye ...

(Taken from: http://www.everydayhealth.com/)
Also uploaded on to: http://www.desimums.co.uk/content.php?page=12

What is the Point of Nursery?

I am rather concerned of late about my Son's nursery. A few problems have cropped up - not because of my angelic (pigs might fly) little boy - but because I am a little worried that:

a) The size of the nursery is increasing. b) 4 members of staff have left in a seven month period. c) my son brought home a picture labelled as Archie- (there isn't an Archie in his nursery - they must have temporarily forgotten his name).

All of this has made me think, somewhat gravely about the nursery sector. Before placing our son in the nursery we were courted, flirted with and appreciated. And then bang it's all gone. He's there, settled in at last and making what I perceive to be very little progress. In fact I had to mention that Arya could read a few words and perhaps it was time he was put on the reading tree. He rarely comes home full of new knowledge (and doesn't really talk about it all). I know that is not like him. Whenever he picks up something new - our ears take a bashing for a few hours.

The nursery does not really feedback to us in any way, shape or form (we had a parents evening just gone and we were not really told anything new about his progress). All I get is "He's so young still." He is three and a half, not two, young yes - but baby no. This is irritating as the nursery is attached to a very good private school - so you would think that the standards were high.

I did post earlier in the year that maybe I was being a 'little' pushy. I am an educator by profession, therefore I am naturally inclined to be a little worried about his progress. I do think there are so many ways children learn and they all need to be exploited.

There needs to be nursery system whereby parents are kept up to date with what 'exactly' their child is learning. Some of us DO care. I do ask...but I feel as though I am being blacklisted - you can just hear the staff hissing-"Watch that one - she's a demented, overbearing bat." - they could be on to something there!

I'm on the look out in my area for a nursery like this... do drop me a line if you have one in your area!

Asian Mums, Asian Mummy, Asian Mum, Asian Moms, Desi Mums, Desi Moms, Indian Mums, Indian Parenting, India Parenting...

Zameen: A Play About A Farming Family in the Punjab

I went to see the play at the Nuffeild Theatre yesterday. I knew from promoting the play on my site: http://www.desimums.com/ that it would be a hard-hitting play, dealing with difficult issues being addressed in an open and multicultural platform.

Satinder talks openly about her time in Punjab researching the play that she wrote in collaboration with the Kali Theatre (http://www.kalitheatre.co.uk/). According to the director of the play, Janet Steel, Satinder approached the Kali Theatre company with the penultimate scene. The company were so impressed by her vision and writing that they helped Satinder to develop the play which took three years from conception to completion.

It was an honourable attempt at trying to bring such tragic occurrences to the forefront of Society. According to statistics over 150,000 farmers in Punjab commit suicide every year. The play also dealt with female infanticide and foetocide. The ratio's of women to men in the Punjab are incredibly low and present their own societal problems. The idealisation of "Amrika" by the young men in Punjab is something that 'crops' up several times in the course of the play. Young men across India by virtue of their 'free time' spend most of their free time in a drunken stupor or a haze of drug fueled days.

So What Was The Play Actually Like?

Okay - perhaps I am not the best person to say - but I am entitled to my own opinion. I am not going to shy away from giving negative feedback just because the play dealt with such important and harsh realities of modern day Indian Society... I believe that Satinder tried to cram the whole of the societal ills that prevail in the Punjab, in to a 180 minute play.

In my opinion this resulted in a 'forced' narrative. The play was uncomfortable - not because of the problems facing the farmers - but because it felt like this information was deliberately planted, rather than naturally emanating in every scene. It seemed like the News. Depressing news, but (without doubt) news that we need to sit up and listen to, acknowledge and do something about.

In a play of this nature, subtlety can be very effective. However it felt like I was being bludgeoned throughout. It was a Punjabi play -yet very little of the language was actually used. I know it was important to appeal to a wider and non- Punjabi speaking audience - but it is important to credit the audience with some intelligence. For goodness sake, in the play "There is Something about Simmy" there was more Punjabi used and they had subtitles on an electronic screen at the top of the auditorium - perhaps a similar attempt should have been made here. Just a little bit more - to make it real.

Punjabi is a beautiful and strong language and it would have given the play an air of authenticity. Satinder dropped in the occasional "Yaar" and "Kamina" and "Hai Hai" but it was all very tokenistic. Unfortunately my barrage doesn't stop there. Some of the creativity was wonderful. The imagery was touching. But it was also flowery. Too flowery for a barely educated farming family (except for the daughter who was a village teacher). That is why I felt it was difficult to connect with the subject matter on an emotional level. It didn't feel real.

Perhaps Satinder was a tad too gratuitous with her words - I don't know. As a writer myself, it is difficult to omit words. The construction of words is a laborious task. A playwright has no room for sentimental attachments to her work. She has to think about how her play will be recieved by the audience. As a Punjabi she should have given more thought to the cultural mannerisms of Punjabi's. A mixture of Grass Roots Punjabi and English is what we needed to hear. In places in was a little cliched. It just sounded a tad too 'posh'.

I do feel a little anal, but just to quickly finish my onslaught: the actress should have pinned back her fringe (they wouldn't have bangs in Punjabi villages - what ever happened to getting in to character?) She should also have left the shrieking to her role in the "Simmy" play. She was terrible in such a serious and demanding part.

The character Dhani - who played the part of the drunk brother, was an extremely talented young man. I thought he was very much like Naveen Andrew's or an Asian Colin Firth! He had an incredibly powerful presence on the stage - definitely an actor to watch.

Overall - a brave debut for a new writer for the stage. To deal with such topics is something which many would shy away from. But Satinder Chohan was brave, earnest and ultimately successful in bringing the plight of Punjabi farmers to the stage and in to the lives of those that saw it.
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