The title may very well be misleading. When it comes to male babies in the Asian Subcontinent we are well aware of the painful realities. However this blog post is to introduce mums to the stark differences between male and female children and how parents can adequately ensure that these differences are nurtured and developed in boys.
My post concerning Boys and Playing with Guns was an example of how boys do need different 'things'. Those of you who have children of both sexes can probably confirm that there are (often considerable) variations in character between a male and female child.
As a nation - and indeed the western education system, tries to encourage uniformity amongst pupils. Educators rarely acknowledge, for fear of reprisal, the essential needs that each sex has. I wholly believe that the education system needs to sit up and take responsibility for the fact that it is doing something very wrong. Boys are significantly underachieving from all socioeconomic backgrounds and are more likely to turn to less than desirable pass times.
My reading around this issue began with a purchase of Raising Boys By Steve Biddulph (A leading Psychologist, family therapist and Parenting Author). As a Lecturer myself I was drawn to his commonsense approach and the practical handbook. I saw many boys underachieve in college and I firmly believe that the education system cannot be the sole reason for the failure of boys in Education.
Whether you want to hear it or not - your child's education begins at home and can only flourish if a teachers job is complemented by an educationally sound environment at home. Steve Biddulph controversially blames the nursery culture for the underachievement of boys and believes that Boys especially, should not be left in a Nursery until they are three. He has also written the equally damning and uncomfortable book -Raising Babies- he discusses nurseries in much more detail in this publication.
Biddulph gives very strong arguments for this and if we think about the impersonal nature and lack of real one to one interaction in a nursery (however wonderful a Nursery nurse will NOT love your child and provide them with the warmth that a family can) he believes that a boys brain and pathways become restricted and underdeveloped. On first reading this explanation may appear rather simplistic, however read the book - it gives you a real insight in to the development of the brain in a very easy to understand manner.
He also firmly believes that a lack of male input in to the upbringing of a boy can be extremely detrimental later on in life. So if the man in your life leaves the children to you - then I'm afraid your son will be adversely effected. A boy needs to see and experience males being loving and affectionate, especially from around the age of six. They need to learn to be masculine in an intelligent and thoughtful way. Relating to others is a learnt skill. A boy needs man to look up to.
I love the way Biddulph uses a case study in his book to argue that many cases of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) are actually cases of DDD (Dad Deficit Disorder). He is not implying all are - but boys tend to be labelled with this very frequently and he firmly believes that in a lot of cases this condition can be tackled by exposure to a loving male role model. This doesn't have to be a father - it could be an uncle or a close friend of the family.
Biddulph explores other territories like:
- The Three Stages of Boyhood
- Testosterone
- How Boys' and Girls' Brains Differ
- What Dads Can Do
- Mothers and Sons
- Developing a Healthy Sexuality
- A Revolution in Schooling
- Boys and Sport
He even looks at How to tell if a school is a good one for Boys? This is a brilliant chapter and one that I will cover at a later date.
If you have a boy and want to find a book that will educate you about bringing up males - then this book is a five star read.
Asian Mums, Asian Mum, Desi Mum, Desi Mums, desi mummy, Asian Mummy
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